The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren—A Synopsis (continued).
Chapter 20—Restoring Broken Fellowship (pages 152-159)
Summary
Since one of the specific purposes of the Christian life is to maintain, and
when broken, restore peace among members of the family of God, every believer is
directed by Jesus Christ to be a peacemaker (a restorer of fellowship).
Christ declared a special blessing on those who are peacemakers—not those who
are “peace lovers” or who are “peaceable.” Jesus Christ was the ultimate
Peacemaker.
Peacemaking is hard work, consider the following:
·
It is not avoiding conflict.
Running from or pretending non-existence of a problem is cowardice.
Christ never avoided conflict, nether should a Christian. Sometimes it is
necessary to surface an existing conflict, but each event is different and
may take a different approach. Because of this, as in everything, the
believer must trust in the continual guidance of the Holy Spirit for every
life-application.
·
It is not appeasement.
A Christian may be a “doormat,” always giving in and swaying to-and-fro
with every wind of opposition, but this is not following the example of
Christ and it does not honor Him. When a problem between brethren arises, it
should be met head-on and answered within the confines of biblical wisdom
(Bible doctrine).
The following are seven biblical steps in being a peacemaker, a
“restorer of fellowship among believers”:
1. Talk to God first, then the person.
God at times will change hearts as an answer to prayer, which then makes
social engagement unnecessary. If not this, then it can prepare the
peacemaker’s heart to be appropriately receptive. God honors heartfelt
(genuine) prayers of faith, and nothing should be addressed without first
speaking to God about the matter.
2. Always take the initiative.
To be a peacemaker requires quick action. Time only deepens wounds
and causes spiritual damage to both parties, no matter who is at fault.
Always take the first step. Restoring fellowship between disgruntled
believers must take priority over worship. Frustrated Christians who hold
unkind thoughts about each other will only grieve the Spirit of God, which
materially affects true worship.
3. Sympathize with expressed feelings.
When addressing a person in conflict, allow him to “unload” emotionally
without being defensive. Emotions often produce inappropriate conclusions
and actions, but emotions are always real to the person within whom they
exist. Not to recognize and allow their venting over efforts to provide a
quick solution is a grave mistake. When a person is allowed to emotionally
unload, it often is a pressure-release and creates a calming effect that
allows for clearer thinking. Plus, it assures the person that the one
listening actually cares for him, which is critical if a solution is to be
fully accepted. And most importantly, it is Christ-like to patiently absorb
the “hurts” of a fellow believer.
4. Confess personal faults in a conflict.
Always begin resolution to a conflict by admitting (confessing, owning up
to) one’s personal faults pertaining to the disagreement. This takes
courage, but one may be certain that confession and asking for forgiveness
is a sure and quick way to defuse conflict.
5. Attack the problem, not the person.
Address the problem; do not affix blame. This entails the words and the
attitude one conveys when addressing it. It is as important to be kind and
tactful when speaking to a disgruntled brother in Christ, as it is in what
is actually said. Being defensive is never the answer. Be kind and
thoughtful….and sensitive to the brother’s feelings. Find common ground that
is consistent with Bible doctrine.
6. Compromise as much as possible.
Compromise robs one of pride and self-centeredness; it should always be
practiced as long as there is no serious conflict with Bible doctrine.
7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.
Unity among brethren within the family of God should always take
priority. There will always be disagreements and different ways of thinking
regarding certain issues, but they should never be permitted to allow
disharmony between believers.
Christians can disagree without being disagreeable. True love will always
seek and focus on reconciliation over resolution of the problem. Often when
two reconcile, they will then find a resolution to their problem. Love
between brethren must always be the preeminent (first) order of business.
Quotes
“Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value
relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them
whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict.” (pg. 152)
“Since Christ wants His family to be known for our love for each other,
broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to unbelievers.” (pg. 152)
“If you want God’s blessing on your life and you want to be known as a child
of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker.” (pg. 153)
“Running from a problem, pretending it doesn’t exist, or being afraid to talk
about it is actually cowardice.” (pg. 153)
“Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. . . .No one can meet all of
your needs except God.” (pg. 154)
“It doesn’t matter whether you are the offender or the offended: God expects
you to make the first move. . . . Restoring broken fellowship . . . takes
priority over group worship.” (pg. 154)
“Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse.” (pg. 155)
“Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any
disagreement you must first listen to people’s feelings.” (pg. 155)
“Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions.”
(pg. 155)
“People don’t care what we know until they know we care.” (pg. 156)
“Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation.” (pg. 156)
“In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what
you say.” (pg. 157)
“Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride; it often costs
our self-centeredness. For the sake of fellowship, do you best to compromise,
adjust to others, and show preference to what they need.” (pg. 157)
“Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the
problem.” (pg. 158)
“When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often
becomes irrelevant.” (pg. 158)
“God expects unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing
eye-to-eye on every issue.” (pg. 158)
“Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue.” (pg.
158)
Scriptures
2 Corinthians 5:18; Philippians 2:1, 2; Romans 15:5; John 13:35; 1
Corinthians 6:5; 1:10; Matthew 5:9; 2 Corinthians 5:18; James 4:1, 2; Matthew
5:23, 24; 1 Peter 3:7; Proverbs 28:9; Job 5:2; 18:4; Philippians 2:4; Psalm
73:21, 22; Proverbs 19:11; Romans 15:2, 3; Matthew 7:5; 1 John 1:8; Proverbs
15:1; 16:21; Ephesians 4:29; Romans 12:18, 10; Philippians 2:3; Matthew 5:9; 1
Peter 3:11; Matthew 5:9.
Conclusion/Comments
God expects His children to demonstrate unselfish love toward each other.
Only in this way can the world see that Christianity is truly different.
Unselfish love will always foster the peacemaking process—the genuine
effort to restore fellowship between God’s children when it has been damaged. To
be a peacemaker requires the courage to face issues that cause conflict
and in the appropriate way (led by the Holy Spirit) to employ all available
biblical reconciliation steps—prayer, action, sympathy, self-confession,
problem-focus, compromise, and reconciliation-focus. Only by becoming a
peacemaker can a Christian fully enjoy God’s blessings and earn eternal
rewards.